My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
