haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I did not marry a roomba.
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