i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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