why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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