So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
