why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
