if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
