I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
