Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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