I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
