Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
