NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
