I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize