When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
