Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
