My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
