I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
