Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
