my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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