She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
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