Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
