our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
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