Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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