pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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