I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
The feeling are messing with the penis
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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