We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I think people are normalizing furries
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
