Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Randomize
