could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
