Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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