i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I think my vagina is haunted
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
