Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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