Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize