I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
