problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
this will be a night to untag.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
