All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
So many bounce houses so little time
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
