Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
