she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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