So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
