If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I need to align my fucking chakras
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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