I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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