Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize