why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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