bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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