Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
