everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
