ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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