No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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