He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
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