You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
