it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
