If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
