you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Can Purell be used as lube?
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Randomize