is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
