drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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