He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
