Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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