He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
