I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
