I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
