we have pet lesbian snakes
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
zippers are such a cool invention
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
