So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
