R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
