No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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