R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
