In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
