she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
You made out with two different species that night
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
