there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
