Can Purell be used as lube?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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