If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
