dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Randomize
