so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
