i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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