But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Randomize