Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
