You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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