Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
