I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
