I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
You pole danced in your parka.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Randomize
