also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize