I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
