Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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