do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
