That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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