ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Randomize
