I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
