I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
