Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
