We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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