and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
