i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
How naked do you want me to be?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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